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The Amazing Bad Cook

By December 13, 2019No Comments

I swear I’m soooo good! Yes, I’m the best bad cook and the most amazing bad cook ever! So I was about fourteen when I made custard for my brother and I as mum was out. My sci-fi or warped mind won’t let me be so I experimented with a new recipe out of nowhere. I poured that tastily yummy water that was used to boil meat into the custard and added seasoning seasoning to it. Boy! I selflessly served it to my younger brother first so that he’d taste it and commend my kitchen genius. He lapped at a spoonful and gave me a look that needed no interpretation. I was a foolish elder brother as the custard tasted like punishment. He abandoned me with my rubbish while I enjoyed my well deserved punishment.

Jump to some twenty something years later, I have learned to brag about not knowing how to cook so that no one would dare get poisoned by me. Anyways, it’s November 17, 2019 and I’m home alone so I decided to cook me some beans. This is where you get to realize what a great bad cook I truly am. I didn’t wash the beans so as not to wash away the organic whatever, lazy me? Forty minutes later, the beans was badly burnt. No cries. I threw it into another pot and sieved the water out, now the beans is washed is it not? It was one third of parboiled beans so I fetched some out into a separate bowl, an idea had come and I’m gonna make me some beans cookies. I’ve done it before as a child and it tasted nice, I’d do it again but first, let me finish the main beans which is now in another pot.

Thirty minutes later, it was close to getting burnt again so I quickly added that red palm oil, salt, thyme, curry and pepper just to spice it up. Beans concoction? Twenty minutes later, it was on its third round of burning so I added more water and more palm oil. Five minutes later it was done!

Top-Left – Beans with Milk | Down-Left – Beanscuit | Right – My Brutally Burnt Beans LOL

Now to my other beans in the bowl. Hmmm… yummy feels my tummy as I poured some groundnut oil in the frying pan, allowed it to heat up and threw the beans into it. Five minutes frying time and it was almost golden brown. Oh no burnt offering this time! Sprinkled some milk on my beans snacks and ready to eat. Don’t say I made a mistake cos I’m still the best bad cool on this planet! And to all men who don’t know how to cook. Appreciate the one who fed you with tastiness. Beans, Beans Snacks & Beanscuit.

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